Shamer - Chapter 4 Part 9

“Here.”

I kept running for a few minutes and in no time at all, I arrived at Ruri’s house.

I came here in the heat of the moment, but she was absent from school today.

What if she had a cold or something?

I calmed down a little and started to worry.

I was so eager to see Ruri that I couldn’t even think of that.

Of course, I still wanted to meet and talk with Ruri.

And I wanted to tell her how I feel.

Just as I was thinking that, the front door of Ruri’s house suddenly opened.

What appeared was, to my surprise, Ruri.

“Huh? …Kinu.”

“H-Hey. Ruri.”

I greeted her anyway.

She didn’t look like she was in bad shape or anything like that.

It doesn’t seem like she missed school because of a cold or anything like that.

“Ah… um, bye.”

Ruri looked uncomfortable and tried to get back inside the house.

“W-Wait! I heard everything from Touya!

I shouted in a panic, and Ruri stopped dead in her tracks.

…T-That was close.

I was so relieved, I then continued.

“Should we talk at a different place?”

When I asked Ruri, she seemed at a loss for words.

“Fine.”

Ruri nodded in response.

We moved from her house to a nearby park.

This was also the place where I confessed my feelings to her when we were in middle school.

“As I said before, I heard all about it from Touya. Ruri was doing it for me.”

“…I see.”

After we both sat down on the bench, Ruri mumbled that much as I explained.

She was a little downcast and I couldn’t see her expression clearly.

“So… I want to thank you. You tried to help me in middle school, didn’t you?”

“Help you… I didn’t do that.”

“You did. At least that’s what I think.”

Hearing what Touya said, I honestly wanted to thank Ruri.

At the same time, I wanted to punch myself for hating her.

“Don’t. I’m really not that great of a person.”

Ruri’s eyes were downcast, and she returned the words sadly.

Then she went on with her story.

“It’s my fault that Kinu got hurt so badly in middle school.”

“…What do you mean?”

I asked, surprised by Ruri’s words.

“I, you know, I liked Touya-kun as a friend, but as a man…I didn’t like him. I still chose to go out with him for selfish reasons.”

Ruri turned her face down and said.

“If I had refused his confession, Kinu wouldn’t have had to go through all that trouble.”

Ruri finally raised her head and looked at me.

Her beautiful eyes were filled with tears.

Her thin shoulders and small hands were shaking.

That was how much pain Ruri has been going through for so long.

…I see. Maybe that was why she has been avoiding me ever since we met in high school.

I think again about that time in middle school.

In order to help Ruri who was crying in front of me right now.

I wanted to put an end to the incident that had strained the relationship between the three of us.

And then I came up with an answer.

“I’m pretty sure the fault lies with all three of us for what happened in middle school.”

“The fault lies in all three of us…?”

“Yeah. First of all, it’s my fault that I confessed my feelings to Ruri, and it’s also my fault that Touya used my classmates to make me feel bad about it. It’s also bad that you accepted Touya’s confession even though I didn’t like him.”

I spoke in a casual manner like that.

“In other words, all three of us made a mistake.”

When I finally finished speaking, Ruri hung her head.

“Then I guess that means we’re done for.”

“No.”

Ruri muttered in a weak voice, which I quickly denied.

She turned her head to me in surprise.

“You know our homeroom teacher, Kiritani-sensei? This is what he told me.”

There is no life without mistakes.

People live their lives making mistakes from time to time.

And the person who has made a mistake is also just being themself.

Therefore, you don’t have to deny your mistakes.

It is okay to accept yourself as you are.

“So even if you made a mistake, you and I can get back to having fun together again, if not right now.”

“…I see, you’re right!”

Ruri’s spirits lifted a little. Seeing her like this made me a little happy too.

But this was not why I met with her.

“So, Ruri. Actually, there’s one thing I want to say to you.”

“…? What is it?”

Ruri was a bit nervous.

Then I took a deep breath.

This embarrassing feeling I’m having right now is also wrong.

I had made my best friend sad and destroyed the relationship between the three of us because of this.

I must be a dangerous human for having such feelings.

Still, I want to accept that I’m wrong and tell Ruri about these feelings of mine.

For Touya’s sake, who made up his mind and told me everything.

For my own sake, who decided to live my life as myself.

“I like you, Ruri!”

And I told her my wrong and shameful thoughts.