Shamer - Chapter 3 Part 1

One day. I went to a movie theater near the station closest to my home.

Of course, it was to watch a Hollywood movie that Kiritani-sensei gave me a ticket for.

“I didn’t tell Dr. Kiritani, but I basically only watch Japanese movies…”

I don’t have any particular reason, but I’ve only seen foreign films once or twice in my life.

That was also because Ruri and Touya invited me… Why was that coming up now?

Anyway, I was not familiar with foreign movies. I wondered if I could really like myself as he said by watching this Hollywood movie recommended by Kiritani-sensei.

With some apprehension, I bought popcorn and a drink at a store in the theater.

After that, I showed my ticket to the receptionist and moved to the place where the Hollywood movie I wanted to see would be shown.

“Middle of the middle row, the best seat in the house?”

I muttered to myself and sat down anyway. There were only a few minutes left until the screening.

By the way, the title of this Hollywood movie was “Freedom.”

The main character was Marie, a girl who has had no freedom at all since she was a child, having been educated by her parents, a lawyer father, and a doctor mother.

Even when she reached high school, she was forced to take various lessons, attend cram school, and couldn’t even go out with her friends.

In the midst of these days, Marie meets Iris, a backpacker woman who was traveling around the world at her leisure. Through this encounter, Marie who, until now, had only done as her parents told her, gradually changed.

This was the content of “Freedom.”

“…There is a Japanese person in this?”

I was looking at the pamphlet and saw a Japanese name in the cast.

Moreover, she played the role of the backpacker woman.

Her name is… Nanase Rena? I’m not an expert on actresses, but I’ve never heard of her.

“Whoa, it’s about to start.”

The preview video before the screening was over, and the buzzer sounded.

And finally, “Freedom” began.

At the beginning of the film, the main character, Marie, was angry with her parents. She got a high score on the exam, but they scolded her because she didn’t get a perfect score. …What terrible parents.

Then the story progressed to the scene where Marie and Iris meet.

On her way home from cram school, Marie found Iris lying on the side of the road, hungry, and because of her kind-hearted nature, she couldn’t leave her alone and went into a nearby fast food restaurant with her to buy her a hamburger.

This was the first fast food restaurant for Marie, who was not even allowed to hang out with her friends after school. Then Iris, a backpacker, began to talk to Marie about her trip in return for the hamburger.

“Marie, have you ever heard of the Great Barrier Reef?”

“I know what it is. It’s very famous.”

At a fast food restaurant. When Iris asked, Marie answered as if it was a matter of course.

“Well, have you ever actually seen it?”

“That… I’ve never seen it.”

Hearing Marie’s words, Iris suddenly squeezed her hand.

“You know what!? That ocean is amazing! It’s like there are countless jewels shining right before my eyes!”

Iris — no, Nanase-san, who played Iris, had a twinkle in her eye like a child.”

…Is this person really acting?

The more I suspected that, the more Nanase-san looked like she was having fun.

Later on in the story, as Iris told various stories from different countries, Marie began to be attracted to her, as she was living the exact opposite of what Iris was now.

Since then, Marie began to listen to Iris’ travel stories every day after cram school and lessons so that her parents would not find out.

Little by little, Marie began to think that she wanted to live like Iris—

“Mom, Dad, I want to be a singer.”

Finally, she revealed her secret dream to her parents.

Naturally, her parents were furious. They became even more strict with Marie.

Then one day. Marie met Iris for the first time in a long time on her way home from cram school. Since she told her parents about her dream, Marie had been under a strict curfew and had no time to talk to Iris.

Marie was worried about the curfew and tried to leave, but Iris, who was worried about her, stopped her and they decided to talk.

Marie then revealed that she had told her parents about her dream of becoming a singer, and when she spoke passionately about how she had longed to be a singer since she was a little girl.

“That’s awesome!”

Iris gave her best smile.

Again. It was supposed to be an act, but I got the feeling that Nanase-san, who played Iris, was really happy from the bottom of her heart.

“A singer. Yes! I think that’s great!”

“Y-You think so?”

“Yes! I can fully understand Marie’s feelings… but you have to tell your parents about it, not me!”

At Iris’s words, Marie turned her face down.

“…I can’t. Because my mom and dad are against it.”

Marie looked worried.

Iris gently took both of her hands in hers.

“It’ll be fine. I know you’ve been through a lot, but your parents love you. They just love you a little too much…”

“…Really?”

When Marie asked, Iris nodded her head.

“I am sure they will understand if you do your best to tell them how you feel.”

She was speaking calmly and reassuringly. …But there was a strange confidence to her words, and they were filled with enough power to move someone.

I honestly don’t know much about acting…, but Nanase had a mysterious charm that naturally attracted someone to her.

And my heart was trembling with the charm of it all.

Later, encouraged by Iris, Marie tried once again to persuade her parents by telling them with all her might about her desire to become a singer, and they decided to allow her to pursue her dream, if she was that determined.

Then, about five years later.

Marie, having fulfilled her dream, invited her parents to a live concert and performed her debut song in front of them.

Thus, “Freedom” ended with a happy ending.

“That was only normally interesting.”

On the way home from the movie theater. I muttered to myself.

I hadn’t seen a movie in a while, but I couldn’t help but think about it.

“…But how can I like myself from watching this movie?”

Kiritani-sensei said that I might be able to like myself after watching the movie.

…I didn’t see that essence in it. The story was a good story about Marie fulfilling her dream, but it didn’t seem to have anything to do with liking yourself…

“I wonder who that Nanase-san is, come to think of it.”

Even though she wasn’t the main character, that person’s performance caught my attention in a strange way.

I don’t know how to say it… it’s acting, but it’s not acting.

She really got into the role.

“And she seemed to be having a lot of fun.”

Partly because it was such a role, but I think Nanase herself was probably having a good time while she was acting.

…Well, it was totally possible that I was wrong about all of that.

“I think there was a page in the pamphlet introducing the cast of this movie…”

Suddenly I remembered and flipped through the pages of the pamphlet… Found it!

On the introduction page of the cast, there was of course a mention of Nanase.

An up-and-coming Hollywood actress. This movie, “Freedom,” was her debut film, and she seemed to be one of the hottest Hollywood actresses in the industry this year.

“She is amazing…”

There must be only a few Japanese actresses in Hollywood, which was great enough, but she was an actress who was the focus of attention around the world…

“Eh… Did she go to the same high school that I did?”

The introduction page also listed the high school Nanase went to, and she was from Seiran High School, which I had never attended after entering. I wondered if such an amazing person was at the high school I entered…..

“There was an interview over here.”

The page I dropped my eyes on was about an interview with Nanase.

I was curious and read it.

According to the interview, Nanase-san had been studying at a theater company since she was a middle school student, aiming to become a Hollywood actress. After graduating from high school, she went to the U.S. by herself and went through a lot of auditions, even though she could not speak English properly.

So at first, every time she auditioned, she was made fun of.

“She went through a lot…”

I muttered to myself as I read Nanase’s interview page.

But at the same time, I admired her courage. If it were me, it would be absolutely impossible.

Nanase-san kept auditioning, and after about the fiftieth time, she caught the eye of the president of an office. He said he had never seen such an idiot before.

After that, she was scouted by the office owned by the president, and she was thoroughly instructed in both English and acting.

She was given harsh instruction at times, but Nanase never gave up and continued to work hard, growing beyond what she had achieved immediately after coming to the United States and becoming the Hollywood actress of her dreams.

“…Dreams, huh?”

I had a dream of being a professional soccer player too, I recall.

…Well, I lost my recommendation for a strong school, and it was too late for anything else.

I continued to read the interview page, and the interviewer asked the following question.

“How was Nanase-san able to become a Hollywood actress herself?”

I was indeed curious. I wonder what Nanase herself thought made her dream come true.

I immediately looked at her reply.

“Because I was living my life as my true self!”

There, along with a picture of Nanase-san’s smiling face, were written such words.

Her words continue.

“Ever since I decided I wanted to be a Hollywood actress, I have lived my life as I am, without lying to myself at any time! I have lived my life the way I wanted to live it, not caring if people around me made a fuss!'”

Even when things were painful, even when things were hard, she pushed forward on the path she thought she should take.

She never bent on that.

“If I hadn’t lived like that, I wouldn’t have become a Hollywood actress!”

Nanase answered in a way that sounded like it had come true before she knew it.

She must have been living up to her dream.

She concluded the interview as follows.

“Living life as you are is definitely the most enjoyable of any life!”

After reading the interview, I slowly closed the brochure.

“Can I just be myself and not lie to myself…?”

Nanase-san had said so.

I see. That was why her acting could attract someone so much.

It was because she was just being herself when she acts.

…Then I’m going to think about what I was doing.

Was I really living my life without lying to myself?

Was I living my life as myself?

“…I don’t think so.”

I played games every day, and when I was not playing games, I just sat around and did nothing.

I like games, but I don’t like them enough to devote my life to them.

So what do I want to do?

What do I really want to be?

I thought about it for a while and came up with an answer.

But…

“Am I sure…?”

I found myself questioning the conclusion I’ve reached.

Because I feel like it was not very acceptable…

“Kiritani-sensei will come to my house in three days…”

The feeling that I need to talk to the teacher was mixed with the feeling that I don’t want to see the teacher with my uncertainty about my answer.

Do I just be myself…? It sounds so simple, but it was so hard to do.

I honestly respected Nanase-san for doing that in her own life.

I want to live like her.

…But can I really do it?