Please Tell Me How to Remember Love - Chapter 3 Part 4

T/N: Sorry for neglecting this series for a while. I can go back to my previous release schedule from now on. Got my degrees, done with my school, all I need is to finish the administrative process and get a job, so in the meanwhile, I’m free again! Anyway, have fun reading!

 

Chapter 3 Part 4

 

“I always hated summer vacation. Because whenever it comes, you’ll also come and I’ll be unable to play with Sojiro-san— Sojiro-Ojii-chan…”

 

Karin put her words together curtly.

 

Soaked in her sentimentality, her voice sounded empty, like a machine.

 

“I was always a lonely child and I became especially lonely during the summer vacation. There was no one at home and if I were to go to the Old Man’s house… You were there. My mother told me to restrain myself. I always went there during every other season, so it would be fair for me to leave the old couple alone with their family whenever the summer vacation arrives. I always wondered when the vacation ended. I couldn’t do anything but watch TV back at home and read thick books I got from the library to pass time… Even so, the Old Man would check up on me from time to time, that alone made it more bearable for me…”

 

Karin’s voice echoed in that quiet cemetery.

 

“That year, you went back early, didn’t you? I heard there was some commotion during that year, but I didn’t know much about it. Rather, I didn’t care, I just wanted to play with the Old Man again. Hehe, I still remember how good he was with his hands. He can create anything with those hands. He can even make the overly complicated origamis like the ones you see in videos. I really wanted him to teach me how to do it…”

 

She let out a smile, but it wasn’t a happy smile, rather one of resignation. The smile of someone who had given up on something.

 

“But, when we finally could play together again, the Old Man looked especially troubled. And the cause of that was you, his own grandson. He told me that his grandson started to follow in his footsteps, acting like a hero with an excessive sense of justice. He was worried that if you were to keep that up, helping others without any regard for yourself, it’ll do you more harm than good.”

“…That sounds like something he’d say.”

 

To Takayuki, whose expression was distorted with bitterness, Karin let out an empty smile.

 

“I know, right? Well, I was too young to understand what his words meant back then. All I knew was that the Old Man was troubled, so I tried to come up with ways to make him feel better. Eventually, I told him that I’ll become your wife so I could take care of you. It’s dumb, I know, but I said that partly because I wanted to be part of his family. That doesn’t change the fact that it’s dumb though.”

“Yeah, seriously. I bet my grandpa rejected it without a second thought, right?”

“Yes, but I insisted.”

 

With a nostalgic gaze, Karin turned her eyes toward the sky.

 

“Out of selfishness, I insisted on the idea. Back then I just wanted to be closer to him, so despite knowing that I acted like a bad girl, I didn’t care. Meanwhile, the Old Man just laughed… He told me, ‘You can decide after you meet him, for now, you can be his fiancee.’ Now, I know what he meant by those words. After a year, a child is bound to forget about their promise and even if they remember, there’s no way that they’d go out of their way to approach an older kid. This is supposed to end like that.”

 

Then, she gently closed her eyelids.

 

“Come next summer, I’d try to dress up the best that I could so that I could say something nasty to you, then in response you’d show me a bewildered look, but you’d try to go along with my antics anyway. Meanwhile, the Old Man would watch over us with a smile on his face… Such summer would come…if he hadn’t died saving me…”

 

She muttered to herself before opening her eyes once again.

 

“The old man was truly an amazing person until the end… He protected me, got injured and collapsed… Even after that, he was still worried about me until the moment when he was about to die, holding no grudges against me whatsoever…”

 

“That’s why…” Once again, her gaze settled on Takayuki.

 

“Everyone around us, the people who also adored the Old Man, blame our family for his death…”

“!”

 

Those words were like a blade that swung right into Takayuki’s chest.

 

“Satou-san, do you understand? When a hero is hurt, the people who adored him also felt his pain. That pain became the motivation for them to hurt the person who caused the hero’s death. Of course, it isn’t like they suddenly became a villain who’d abuse the person without any remorse. They were just normal people who couldn’t stand the loss of their loved ones.”

The blade of words kept striking Takayuki’s chest.

 

“If I were in their position, I would definitely do the same thing. Thoughts like, ‘Why did this happen? He should have left the child to die…’ would most likely come up in my mind. I knew that they definitely whispered those words toward me behind my back and honestly, I deserved it, after all, I was the cause of his death. Though, their words became harder to bear after my mother left me…”

 

As the blade striked Takayuki’s chest, it also striked Karin’s as well. She kept on going, hurting herself with her words without any hesitation.

 

“My mother had a great sense of responsibility. Back then, she was most likely being crushed by her guilt and broke down, that was why she disappeared. Even now I still don’t know where she is. I don’t want to know though. I don’t want to know whether she’s dead or alive…”

“Kuramori, that’s…”

 

Takayuki tried to deny her words, but Karin disregarded it and continued.

 

“The only salvation I had was the Old Woman. She was supposed to be the one who was hit the hardest by his loss, but she carried on with her life. ‘That idiot died because he did another d**b thing like usual. It’s all on him, not you, so stop with that gloomy look,’ she told me. She even scolded everyone who talked behind my back. After that, things get a little better. Instead of my mother, who disappeared somewhere, the Old Woman and his daughter, your mother, took care of me. They would reminisce about the Old Man together with me, up until the moment I was adopted by my relatives.”

 

But, before Takayuki could say anything, Karin smiled midway through her words. It wasn’t a hollow smile like before, but a smile of resignation. It was a smile that looked human-like.

 

“Then, I met Reina-san and I became happy enough to keep on living. A lot of things happened, but those things wouldn’t hurt me more than dying senselessly. That’s why, Satou-san, this is only a selfish request of mine to erase all the guilt remaining in my heart. You can refuse it, but please, at least listen to me until I’m done…”

 

That was why Takayuki grew fearful of Karin.

 

“Satou-san, please give up on your dream to become a hero right now.”

 

The determination in Karin’s eyes made Takayuki step back involuntarily.

 

“It was the Old Man’s last will. Until his last moment, he was worried about you. He told me that he had taught you the wrong thing.”

“…”

“I promised him that I’d correct his mistakes, to make sure that you’re living a normal life. I said all those words to reassure him in his last moments. Fulfilling this promise will get rid of the remaining guilt I have in my heart.”

 

However, it didn’t take long before Takayuki took a step forward, back where he previously stood. His movement was sluggish as he tried to endure the pain that he felt.

 

“Please, help me, Satou-san. Get rid of this guilt in my heart. Give up on being a hero. Use me as a reason for you to give up.”

 

Takayuki wouldn’t turn his back on someone who begged for his help.

 

“It’s okay, there’s nothing for you to be afraid of. Let’s just put an end to all this suffering we’ve been through. Even if you were to stop being a hero, there are people who’ll still stay by your side. If you’re still afraid, I can stay with you for as long as you like. It was my promise to my savior and you’re more than aware that I’d fulfill that promise no matter what, aren’t you?”

 

There was no escape from this situation. From the moment he met Karin, the escape routes that he had were completely shut off.

 

If he were to refuse Karin’s plea, the illusion he had of him being a hero would completely collapse as if it was his grandfather in his shoes, he wouldn’t even think of refusing it.

 

But, if he were to accept it, then he’d have to give up being a hero. He couldn’t just half-heartedly agree, he had to go through with it. The moment he went against his words, being a hero would be the least of his worries. He’d never be able to forgive himself and carry on that guilt with him. And, above all, the moment he said that he’d give up, the words would bind his heart like a curse and continue weighing him down for the rest of his life.

 

“Yeah, I know…”

 

No matter which options he chose, his conviction would break. That was the kind of situation that he was facing.

 

And that was why he had been preparing himself for this exact situation.

 

“I know that you’re someone who’ll fulfill your promises no matter what, Kuramori. I know that it’s easier for me to just give up everything here. That’s why you gave me an easy way for me to give up, to lift up the curse that my grandfather left me, the curse that made me feel obligated to become a hero. It’s amazing. With this, not only me, anyone would be tempted to give up after hearing your words.”

 

Takayuki began to speak.

 

“To begin with, I don’t have the qualifications to be a hero. The reason why I started in the first place was because I wanted to follow in my grandfather’s footsteps, not because I felt obligated to help someone in need. I did it because I want my grandfather to notice me, I want to hear him praising me. After he passed away, it became my coping mechanism. That was why I made countless mistakes. I hurted my friend and made her cry. From that point onwards, I was already disqualified as a hero.”

 

His weakness that he had been hiding deep inside his heart for so long, the truth that he desperately tried to hide from.

 

“I already knew that this day would come. The day when I’d have to throw the word I had been using as an excuse away, the day when I’d have to abandon the word ‘hero.’”

 

Takayuki took a deep breath and stared at Karin. Without averting his gaze he gave her his words, his choice for his future.

 

“That’s why, Kuramori, my bad. I don’t want to give up on being a hero yet.”

 

And his choice was to not accept Karin’s plea.

 

To completely shatter the illusion he had been in and abandon his conviction.

 

“…Why?”

 

Hearing his answer, Karin blinked her eyes several times. His answer seemed to be unexpected for her.

 

“Because I’ve promised to be a hero together with a certain someone.”

“Who?”

“My partner…Miyama. That girl is so much better than me in every aspect, but somehow she has a high expectation of me. As long as she’s with me, I’m sure that even the wildest dream I made back when I was a kid will come true eventually. That’s why I will never give up. It isn’t for my sake or her sake, but for the sake of fulfilling my promise to her.”

 

After saying that, Takayuki let out a small laugh.

 

“I’m such a bad guy, don’t you think?”

“Yeah. I can’t believe you readily rejected me like that. You’re the worst.”

 

In response, Karin let out a smile, as if she was responding to a light joke.

 

She responded as such because she understood. Takayuki’s unhealthy obsession had been broken the moment he decided to make this choice.

 

“But, that’s how people are, I guess. That’s how a ‘decent human being’ lives.”

“Those words make a ‘decent human being’ sound detestable.”

“That’s the way it is. They’re selfish, they have no convictions, always trying to compromise everything. There’s no way those kinds of people could become the hero everyone strives to be. There’s simply no way.”

 

In the dim darkness, Karin moved her gaze away.

 

Toward the three girls that were watching them a few meters apart. One of them, Aoi, was looking at them with a flabbergasted look.

 

“But, even so, you might still be able to become Miyama-san’s hero.”

“…Who knows? Just a few minutes ago, I made a very un-hero-like choice. She might have started hating me already.”

 

Following Karin’s movement, Takayuki moved his gaze to Aoi’s direction.

 

“If you’re afraid of that possibility, you can still take your words back, you know?”

“No, it’s okay. It’s more important to not run away from your own feelings than worrying about being hated by someone else.”

“I see. Alright, for such an honest coward like yourself, let me lend you a hand.”

 

That was why Takayuki failed to notice Karin’s smile. She donned a mischievous smile, befit her status as a middle schooler.

 

“MIYAAAMA-SAAAN! SATOU-SAN HERE IS AFRAID OF YOU HATING HIM! DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING YOU WANT TO SAY TO HIM?!”

“Oi, Kuramori!”

 

As a result, before he could stop her, Karin already shouted her words.

 

“Don’t worry, Satou-san, I’ve already made my plans to escape before everyone in the neighborhood catches me for being a nuisance.”

“That’s not what I meant! I meant, you didn’t need to shout that loud–”

 

“I LOVE YOU! YOU DON’T NEED TO WORRY ABOUT ME HATING YOU, YOU IDIOOOT!”

 

Aoi’s words came back in a desperate, angry tone.

 

“You sure are loved, aren’t you, Satou-san?”

“…Shut up.”

 

Karin had a smug look on her face.

 

Takayuki chuckled without making any more complaints.

 

It was like an ordinary exchange between a high-schooler and a middle-schooler.

 

*   *   *

 

After Takayuki and Karin finished their talk, everyone who gathered at the cemetery decided to go on their ways.

 

However, even though it was a rural town, it was still inappropriate for minors to walk by themselves in the middle of the night. Rather than meeting some suspicious people, there were chances that they’d encounter some wild animals instead. For this reason, Yui offered everyone to ride in the black luxurious car that she brought.

 

“S-Sorry for inconveniencing you, Takayama-san…”

“Don’t worry about it, Miyama-san. If you’re worrying about inconveniencing the driver, don’t worry, it’s part of his job. Besides, I’ll pay him for working overtime.”

“This feels like letting someone pay the whole group’s taxi fee, I feel guilty…”

 

Everything went smoothly. It was the countryside, so there wasn’t much traffic at this time of the day. Yui also had instructed the driver on where to drop everyone off beforehand, so Karin, Reina and Takayuki were able to get back home without any trouble.

 

“So, Takayama-san, why did you make it so that you’d drop me last? Do you have something to talk about with me?”

“As expected of Miyama-san. You’re sharp when it comes to things that don’t involve Takayuki-kun.”

“That’s pot calling the kettle black.”

“Sadly, I can’t refute those words.”

 

Yui and Aoi then exchanged words for twenty minutes before they arrived at Aoi’s house. Of course, this was planned by Yui beforehand.

 

“Anyway, I want to have a pleasant chat with you without that idiot around, Miyama-san.”

“…Is this about the reason why you provided Kuramori-san with the information about Takayuki’s schedule?”
“More or less. Well, it’s easier to start with that, huh?”

 

As the car continued to run along quietly, Yui began to speak to Aoi.

 

“The reason why I cooperated with Karin was, well, like her, I wanted him to give up on being a hero. That’s why I didn’t spare any effort on providing her with any information that she might need.”

“Takayama-san, is the reason why you want him to give up on being a hero related to… Um… Something that happened in the past?”

“…Right. I guess he trusted you enough to tell you about that, huh?”

 

Yui let out a nostalgic smile before continuing to speak.

 

“Yeah. Well, I wanted him to give up on it the moment I met him, but that incident was the decisive factor. He protected my little sister and got into an accident because of it. I know I should be thanking him for it, even until this day, I still feel grateful toward him. Hell, I’d do anything to repay him for it. But, well…”

 

As she continued to speak, her smile turned into a grimace.

 

“More than feeling thankful, I feel angry toward him. I mean, he helped people for stupid reasons. His clumsiness always ended up hurting himself. He’s so good-natured that it’s so hard to look at him. No matter how pathetic the words that came out of his mouth were, in the end, he’d always be someone who’d help others in need. I just can’t bear to see that kind of person hurting himself like a martyr…”

 

Her expression gradually turned to anger as her cheeks flushed red.

 

“That’s why, I want to turn him into a ‘normal person.’ I don’t care if he turns lame in exchange. I want him to take care of himself more, to make him live a happy life as a ‘normal person.’ This frustration of mine wouldn’t subside unless I fulfill that wish.”

 

Yui said, expressing the burning anger in her heart. Hatefully, lovingly, she let bare all her emotions without any intention to hide anything.

 

“…That’s the reason behind your actions, Takayama-san?”

“Yes. That’s the reason. What do you think? Isn’t it disgusting and selfish of me?”

 

Aoi couldn’t respond to her self-deprecative words.

 

But it wasn’t because she couldn’t understand her. On the contrary, it was because she could understand her feelings, bordering between love and hate, that she chose to remain silent. She didn’t have any words that she could say to Yui at the moment.

 

“Alright, enough of the silly talk, that’s just the preamble, let’s get to the main topic at hand, Miyama-san.”

“Huh?”

 

Yui also understood that her feelings were too heavy to talk about, that was why she chose to repress it deep within her chest and move on to the main reason why she set this situation up. Yes, everything up to this point was merely the opening act.

 

“Yeah, the real reason why I made some time to talk alone with you like this. Let’s see, it’s true that Karin and I planned this whole thing to make him change. To make him deny his dreams and turn him into a normal person. We achieved that goal…rather easily even…and that made me feel a little uncomfortable…”

“Uncomfortable? …Um, is it because he was a little cool— I-I mean! A little too quick in making his decision?”

“Yeah. That.”

 

Yui nodded to Aoi’s answer and continued her explanation.

 

“Normally, in that kind of situation, he’d freeze, drown in self-doubt for a long while before coming to an answer. No matter how much you motivate him by being there, he shouldn’t be making a decision that quickly… It was as if he had already decided on his answer in advance.”

 

After Yui pointed that out, Aoi also came to the same conclusion as her. Of course, this could merely be a wild guess and they were just overthinking it, but it was still strange that both Yui’s and Aoi’s instinct were warning them about the same thing.

 

“It might be a groundless fear, but Miyama-san, I want you to take this into consideration. He’s hiding something from us.”

 

It was still too early to say that everything had been settled once and for all.

 

TL: Iyo

ED: Iyo

 

 

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